Pub 28, Day 10 – The Shakey

By Andy

Not knowing Hillsborough too well, we opted to wander round aimlessly until we found another pub. Luckily, this took all of ten seconds: The Shakey is located diagonally across the crossroads.

Having just left one Spoons, we could have easily mistaken our new location for another: The Shakey is a large, spacious pub with a range of regulars who span from unwelcoming alcoholics to over-friendly party-goers.

An eclectic mix of furniture contributes to the pub's modern decor – canvas prints and patterned wallpaper complete the contemporary vibe. However, I couldn't help but feel The Shakey is a pub failing to reach its potential: despite its attractive interior, the pub failed to offer any ales to complement its indie feel.

(I have been informed by a friend who frequents this pub that we may have simply caught them on an off-day, as ales are part of their line-up, but certainly there were none available for our visit – we did two laps of the bar to make sure).

With only the usual suspects to choose from, we selected two pints of Ruddles Smooth.

I know what you're thinking: “But guys, you already drank Ruddles Smooth at The Penny Black! This will ruin your attempt to have a different pint in each pub!”

If you truly were thinking that then I applaud you – you have better Pubquest memory than me and Rob. Needless to say, upon realising our error a few days later we were truly mortified, and will be making a return visit to The Penny Black to correct this anomaly.

As we supped our Ruddles – a pint I've always been quite partial to – the barmaid glanced in my direction. It was only fleeting, but our gazes definitely met. Without a word, she sauntered over and placed a piece of paper and pen on our table. My eyes lit up. It was pub quiz night.

Rob (correctly) pointed out that we had planned to visit a few pubs that evening, and stopping for the quiz would significantly slow our progress. I countered by saying that we had embarked on a journey to assess every pub in Sheffield, and to leave halfway through a pub quiz would be bordering on heresy. He agreed, and we began the daunting task of coming up with a team name.

When planning pub quizzes in advance, we always make sure to bring our girlfriends along. The four of us make for quite a formidable team – our girlfriends know all about celebrities and current affairs, while us men answer questions on the important things in life – which football team plays at which ground etc.

Without our girlfriends, this was going to be a true test of our intelligence.

On this occasion, we lacked the feminine touch when asked celebrity-obsessed questions about irrelevant Z-listers such as Angela Merkel and Vladimir Putin, whereas we exchanged a knowing glance when quizzed on pressing global issues such as the Snooker World Championship. Unfortunately, there are only so many questions about Ronnie O'Sullivan that can feature in one quiz.

Alas, The Shakey is one of those pubs that likes to name and shame its gallant losers.

And so it was that, to the soundtrack of cheers laced with schadenfreude, the barmaid read out our score. Worse still, she ensured the entire pub knew exactly who we were by bringing us a wooden spoon prize – a packet of Nobby's Nuts.

Someone once told me that food tastes better when you don't have to pay for it. That person has clearly never munched their way through a packet of Nobby's Nuts while the regulars at The Shakey howled with derision. Each and every mouthful tasted of despair and defeat.

***

A few days after our visit, and with the resulting social anxiety still keeping me firmly indoors, I remarked to my dad what a strange name “The Shakey” was for a pub. Seeing that I had piqued his interest, I mused a couple of my logical deductions:

Perhaps it was named in honour of some historic Hillsborough earthquake, long-forgotten in the mists of time. Or maybe it was in this very pub where Ian Fleming decided he didn't like his Martinis stirred.

My dad glared at me as if I had brought shame on the entire family and growled: “It used to be called The Shakespeare you bloody half-wit.”

Pubquest: striving to solve even the most complex etymology.

Pub: The Shakey (196 Bradfield Road, S6 2BY)

Rating: 5/10

Pint: Ruddles Smooth

Brewery: Greene King Brewery (Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk)

NEXT UP: A gallon of Magnet, at The Queen's Ground...