Pub 35, Day 12 – The Hallamshire House

By Rob

Andy, beads of sweat running down his face from the strain, pulled the unconscious driver from the wreckage of the crumpled car. Just seconds earlier, I had managed to wrench the passenger-side door open, thus enabling him to reach inside and accomplish his feat of heroism. All of this, you understand, while the car was aflame and just seconds from exploding. Afterwards, the firemen arrived at the scene, visibly impressed by our miraculous rescue and muscular ―

―"No," Andy interjected. "Let's just stick to the traffic jam story."

He was right. The best lies are the simple ones.

Stepping through the door of The Hallamshire House almost an hour late, three sets of unhappy faces swivelled around, their scowls and frowns pointed very clearly in our direction. We swallowed nervously, preparing ourselves to deliver the hastily rehearsed excuse that we had concocted over at The Closed Shop.

Andy stepped forward to begin our explanation. But as he opened his mouth to speak, I noticed something. With a sudden stab of panic, I realised that we were about to dig our hole even deeper.

But it was too late. Andy, with an impressive degree of confidence and conviction, began to explain the unfortunate – and completely fabricated – travel complications that we had encountered along the road. To their credit, our friends sat there silently as they listened. My heart sank deeper with each word. When Andy had finished, he turned to look at me; I couldn't bring myself to meet his hopeful gaze.

There was, for what seemed like a very long time, silence.

Finally, one of them spoke.

"We just saw you leave The Closed Shop."

This catastrophic revelation actually made a lot of sense, given that they were all sat by the large front window which looked directly onto The Closed Shop – a glaringly obvious fact that I had become aware of moments too late.

After vocalising a stream of obsequious apologies we walked over to the bar and readied ourselves for what we thought might be a frosty evening.

Except it wasn't.

Even the cold hostility of our justifiably miffed coterie quickly thawed out in the warm atmosphere of The Hallamshire House. The pub is an absolute treasure. In fact, I'm prepared to go even further in my praise.

At the time of writing this blog, The Hallamshire House is my favourite pub in Sheffield.

Now, this is a bold statement and before it hits the papers I would like to explain myself:

1. The pub looks fantastic: It might sound odd, but decorating a pub is a tricky business. There's a fine line between traditional and tacky, and an even finer one between trendy and pretentious. The Hallamshire House is on the right side of both, with its old-fashioned pictures and brass tables and a distinct lack of "quirky" fixtures.

2. There's a huge range of great ales: Although plenty of pubs in this day and age can boast a long line-up of guest beers, The Hallamshire House has an unusually large number of ales that I really, really like.

3. The outdoor seating area is a really nice surprise: You have to go downstairs to find it and, having already demonstrated my poor observational skills when it comes to architecture, it took me a few visits to discover its existence. A lovely decking area, it has a mixture of covered and uncovered seating amidst a forest of plants and greenery.

4. The snooker room might just be the nicest one in the city: Of course, we may visit a pub next week that can boast of owning a superior specimen, but as things stand this wood-panelled beauty is the one to beat.

Anyway, now that I've finished salivating, allow me to tell you that we both ordered a pint of Colorado Red. A strong ale at over 6%, it was a beautiful pint. I'm a huge fan of red ale, which you don't see that often, so I was in my element.

Could things get better?

Two words: pub quiz.

On the verge of slipping into a euphoric coma, I procured a quiz sheet and we immediately set to work on the famous faces. For us, this meant ten minutes of hopelessly ascribing incorrect names to unknown pictures. When you're at the point where you're having to explain that Paul Daniels is not a black man in his thirties, you know the celebrity round is a lost cause.

We fared a bit better on the questions, but were by no means in the running for the victor's crown. Not that it mattered, as by the end of the quiz I had imbibed three pints of strong ale and felt immune to anything but good cheer.

After some convincing, we persuaded everyone to relocate to the snooker room. Having been continually battered by Andy at pool throughout our travels, I saw this as an opportunity to pull ahead in at least one cue sport. I picked up the chalk, smiled that I-know-you're-better-than-me-which-will-make-beating-you-fantastic smile, and played...

 ...For about ten minutes before it became obvious that I was going to lose.

At the start of the game it transpired that the coin machine for the table light was broken. As such, the trusting souls at the pub had switched the light on and set up an 'honesty box' that politely asked players to deposit their money. Of course, nobody was enforcing this and it was entirely open to abuse.

If you need any further proof of my love for this pub then look no further, because despite my habitual loathing for personal financial expenditure (a facet of my personality that played a large role in our search for the 50p pool table) I, along with Andy, paid up.

Eventually the game ended and, just as with the quiz, I hadn't even come close to winning. However, unlike with the quiz, the shame was mine alone to carry. The Pubquest snooker score thus stands at 2-1 in favour of Andy.

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. Pub closing time was fast approaching and we had another venue in our crosshairs. With a heavy heart we finished our drinks and made our way to the exit.

As for the rating? I’m sure it will come as no surprise that The Hallamshire House has earned the magic ten, securing for itself a place in the Pubquest Hall of Fame alongside the only other pub to have thus far climbed to such dizzying heights. I am talking, of course, about the infamous Barry's.

I think it’s probably safe to say that this is the first time that these two establishments have been ranked side-by-side in any sort of league table.

Hallamshire House snooker score: Andy 1-0 Rob

Pubquest snooker score: Andy 2-1 Rob

Pub: The Hallamshire House (49-51 Commonside, S10 1GF)

Rating: 10/10

Pint: Colorado Red

Brewery: Thornbridge Brewery (Bakewell)

NEXT UP: Finding a bargain, at The Springvale...