Pub 44, Day 16 – Big Tree

By Andy

Moving down Chesterfield Road, we soon encountered the Big Tree. Named in honour of the oak which grows outside, the landlord faced a dilemma when the tree blew down during a storm in the 1980s: what to rename the pub? The Hole In The Ground? The Upturned Roots?

Luckily, someone thought on their feet and planted an acorn. While The Big Tree seemed delusional with just a sapling outside, they stuck with it and the name is once more apt.

The pub has been recently refurbished, and was clearly trying to shake off its rough reputation. Happily, it was by-and-large succeeding, with a glossy interior and friendly locals.

Having just missed happy hour, we ordered two pints of Wild Swan – a classic from Thornbridge Brewery, who can always be relied upon. The choice of beers was especially pleasing, setting the Big Tree apart from some of its neighbours.

The Big Tree (background) and the big tree (foreground)
[photo by RDB photography]

As always, a pool table caught our attention. But this time, there was something more: a dartboard. Once found in every pub up and down the land, dartboards are now an endangered species (no doubt in part due to a fear of Health & Safety incidents). Also, with no coin-operated mechanism, a desire for profit means many establishments no longer have this basic facility.

'Something a customer can do which is free? Good heavens, why would we offer that?' Thankfully, the Big Tree has dispensed with such capitalist overtones, and as such we embarked on our first Pubquest darts match.

As a general rule, Rob only excels at games it is not cool to excel at. Dominoes. Backgammon. Chess. Were the Big Tree to establish a Dungeons & Dragons tournament, I have no doubts in suggesting that Rob would reign supreme.

Darts however is more my territory. As an all-round pub athlete, I take great pride in my ability on the baize and at the oche. As such, I was quietly confident of emerging triumphant.

Throughout the match, my darts oozed consistency: never more than two inches from that Triple 20 marker.

On the other hand, Rob sprayed his darts around like a cat marking his territory.

While I was repeatedly hitting the same numbers, Rob's scores had all the consistency of a bingo caller.

Somehow, his scores held up. Combined with my propensity to throw Bed and Breakfast*, we both approached the finish line at the same time.

Tactfully, I had left myself Double 20 to win. Double Top*. Lipstick*.

With three arrows to achieve it, I felt confident of adding darts to the long and varied list of Pubquest activities I had beaten Rob at.

Approaching the oche, I fixed my gaze and steadied my arm.

However, with the sort of gamesmanship that even Diego Maradona would have frowned upon, Rob made an announcement.

“I'm going to the toilet.”

“What?”

“That beer's gone right through me. I'll be back in a sec.”
“But I'm about to–”

“Don't throw anything till I'm back. Otherwise I won't believe you.”

And off he went.

Not content with disrupting me from the zone, Rob returned with an audience.

“This is Gary. I met him in the bathroom.”

“I hear you only need Double 20,” said Gary. “Off you go then.”

Having had a minute to overthink things, and now with the added pressure of an audience, I never stood a chance. Miss, miss, miss. Gary must have wondered how I got so close to winning in the first place.

Rob had left himself the somewhat less orthodox Double 9 to win. Truth be told, he was just throwing random numbers until he reached The Madhouse*.

However, to everyone's amazement, he hit Double 9 with his first dart.

I have to admit, I was stupefied. Throughout the game, Rob had shown all the precision of a roulette croupier. Suddenly, when the chips were down, he had summoned the spirit of Phil Taylor.

Gary, Rob's new-found ally, who lest it be forgot was a stranger to us both just five minutes ago, proceeded to mock me for my inability to close the game out.

“What happened? You were nowhere near!”

On the surface, I pretended not to care. Deep down though, defeat was hurting. I could only pray that the next pub had a dartboard to exact revenge.

*This is darts lingo. Rob wouldn't understand it.

• Bed and Breakfast – a score of 26 achieved with 3 darts. This is often thrown by players who are good, but not quite good enough – it refers to throwing one dart in each of the three numbers closest to Triple Twenty: 1, 5 and 20. It is not a particularly good score.
• Double Top – this refers to Double 20, as it is at the top of the board.
• Lipstick – again, this refers to Double 20, as it is a thin band of red.
• The Madhouse – this refers to Double 1, the least desirable and most difficult of all the scores you can win with. Typically only attempted by extremely unskilled players.

Big Tree darts score: Andy 0-1 Rob

Pubquest darts score: Andy 0-1 Rob

Big Tree pool score: Andy 0-1 Rob

Pubquest pool score: Andy 35-26 Rob

Pub: Big Tree (842 Chesterfield Road, S8 0SF)

Rating: 6.5/10

Pint: Wild Swan

Brewery: Thornbridge Brewery (Bakewell)

NEXT UP: Thatcher, Hendo's, and Sheffield sculptors, at The Chantrey Arms...