Thursday 27 August 2015

Pub 63, Day 25 – The Hermitage

By Andy

Sweeping up the pubs we missed on our previous trip to Sharrow, we were hoping for a less salacious occasion than the last time we visited the area. We had wisely left it three years since, lest any police still be on the lookout for a drink driver dressed as a cowboy.

The first pub we came across was The Hermitage, a giant boozer at the bottom of London Road. Upon entering, we were struck by how busy it was – in an era when most pubs have a handful of patrons huddled in a corner, The Hermitage had hardly a spare seat in the house. Fighting our way through the masses, we requested two pints of Cascade Pale Ale.

The barmaid took great care pouring the perfect pint, but just as I was extracting the money from my wallet, she inexplicably turned to serve someone else.

Now I had worked in retail myself, so I had done it all before: given someone too much change, given someone too little change, accidentally accepted Euros instead of pounds because I was in a hangover-induced daze. But forgoing the exchange of cash for goods altogether was a new one on me. Confused, I leant across and gently pointed out her error.

erm... I haven't paid for these yet...”

Don't you know? Today's our grand reopening! All drinks are free until 6!”

Oh,” I stuttered. “Have you been closed?”

Yeah since July, the whole place has been refurbished. Haven't you noticed?”

Never having set foot in the pub before, I can't say I had. “Well, now you mention it...” I lied.

We've got a new name,” she declared, abruptly. “We're called The Hermitage now.”

Oh yeah I saw that,” I replied, glad to find my footing in the conversation.

Do you prefer it to the old name?” she enquired.

Now I really was stumped. “Errrm it's tough to say,” I mumbled. “I was so used to the old name...”

Yeah, we thought it sounded a bit elitist though.”

I know what you mean,” I replied, not having the faintest clue what she meant. My mind boggled as to what the pub was previously called. Einstein's Arms? The Surgeon's Scalpel? The Sharrow Working Mensa Club? Confident that the real answer was bound to be a disappointment[1], I scurried into the crowd before she could ask me anything else.

It seems The Hermitage had discovered the secret to a busy pub: free alcohol. For a while, we found ourselves perched by the quiz machine, unable to locate a seat at all. However, the free drinks meant regular trips to the bar (and toilet) for all concerned, so in true primary school fashion, we enforced an 'on your feet, lose your seat' policy.

The pub was open-plan with a high ceiling, meaning although it was busy, it never felt crowded. Perhaps it was merely a ploy to impress on opening night, but the selection of drinks was terrific, with beer enthusiasts and gin aficionados particularly well-catered for.

Our Cascade Pale Ale was crisp and golden, further enhancing the reputation of the ever-impressive Saltaire Brewery. Always keen to take advantage of an open bar, we soon progressed to double vodka-Red Bulls. Although we felt a slight pang of guilt helping ourselves to free drinks at a pub we had never been to before and would probably never go to again, this was quickly offset by a drunken agreement to award The Hermitage an extra point when deciding their Pubquest Rating – an honour worth far more financially than a few measly drinks.

We finally made a financial contribution to The Hermitage's upkeep when we spotted a table-football table – a common feature in the bars of coastal Spain but a rarity in British pubs. Always grateful for a new game to beat Rob at, I placed a pound coin in the slot.

Just before we kicked off, Rob did warn me that he was abysmal; however I failed to fully comprehend just how bad a human being with two arms could possibly be. I ended up triumphing 12-2 (working out at an economical 7.14 pence per ball), and can now include table football along with snooker and Connect Four as Pubquest games in which I emerged victorious. Just don't mention the darts.

After several double vodka-Red Bulls, it was decided that we should move on to our next destination. Coincidentally, this decision was taken at 18:01, just as the free bar had come to an end. The mass exodus which followed was akin to a fire drill, leaving behind a sea of empty glasses for some poor soul to clear up. Alas, The Hermitage may have discovered the secret to a busy pub, but it had failed to find the formula of a profitable one.

Hermitage table football score: Andy 1-0 Rob
Pubquest table football score: Andy 1-0 Rob

Pub: The Hermitage (13 London Road, S2 4LA)
Rating: 8.5/10
Brewery: Saltaire Brewery (Shipley, West Yorkshire)

NEXT UP: Uncharted territory, at The Albion...

References:
[1] According to Google, the pub was previously called The Scholar

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