Pub 87, Day 33 – Masons Arms

By Andy

Although hidden from the main road, the Masons Arms jumps out if you select the right side-street, fighting for attention with the equally impressive Wesley Hall Church.

An old-fashioned boozer, the Masons Arms looks exactly how every pub should: patterned carpets, wooden fittings, and an ancient man sat in each corner (dog optional).

Despite appearing huge from outside, it somehow manages to feel cramped from within. The owners have gamely tried to make a feature out of the pub's bay window, but unfortunately the faded paint means it doesn't quite work. Then again, not every pub can be blessed with the Three Tuns' architecture.

The beer selection was ample, although it was with some trepidation that we ordered Hobgoblin Gold – we still hadn't forgotten our experience with Hobgoblin in West Street Live. Thankfully, the gold variant is much more pleasant.

Halfway through our pint the pool table became available, so we naturally power-walked our way over before someone else got there first.

Against the run of form, Rob triumphed (for the first time since the Big Tree, pub 44).

However, just as we were about to return to our seats, things got interesting. A young man stumbled over and asked if he could play. Never one to turn down a challenge (even from creepy drunk men), I agreed to a game.

As he racked the balls, he was struggling to stand without swaying; and in an attempt to toss the coin, he predictably dropped half the contents of his wallet, showering nearby patrons with copper.

I decided I had won the coin toss by default, and headed over to break.

“I'll play you for money,” slurred my opponent. “Make it interesting.”

I paused. The poor fellow was still scrabbling around for the pennies at his feet.

“How much?” I enquired, rummaging through my pocket for a coin or two.

“Thirty quid,” came the response, quick as a flash.

Drawing a sharp intake of breath, I turned to Rob and Hannah, who had kindly pulled up a stool to spectate. No words were spoken, but many facial expressions were exchanged:

“Do it! This'll pay for our drinks all night! It'll be like taking candy from a baby!” grinned Rob.

“He's clearly not thinking straight, be the good guy,” urged Hannah.

“Call it a fiver mate,” I concluded, not wanting to take undue advantage of him. I placed £5 in coins on the table.

A slight look of disappointment on his face, the man straightened up, reached for his back pocket, selected a £5-note from a wad of cash, then confidently strode to the other end of the table. With no announcement, he suddenly broke off, spreading the balls across the table at blistering speed.

Suspicious already, I observed his next shot in a bid to gauge his ability.

The stumble now replaced with a swagger, he delicately potted into the middle pocket. Casually chalking his cue with one hand, he then spent an age selecting his next shot, before playing a tedious safety.

By this point it was clear: only my good nature had prevented me from being royally hustled.

Pubquest's Most Wanted

My preferred plan of action was to punch my opponent in the face. Unfortunately, I hadn't yet finished my pint, and if we were barred from the Masons Arms at this stage we would never be able to complete Pubquest. (Also the guy would have kicked the shit out of me, but let's overlook this fact for now.)

My only remaining option was to continue with dignity. It was time to serve this guy some karma.

Alas, I was out of my depth. My adversary made short work of the reds, and advanced to the black while I had three yellows remaining. Fortunately, he missed a tough shot to win the game, giving me one final chance.

As I rose to my feet (yes, his style of play was so drawn-out that I had resorted to sitting down between shots), I heard Rob turn to Hannah and say, “He'll win it from here.”

Looking at the table, I realised he was right: my three colours were all in the open, and the black was right by the pocket.

This mumbled vote of confidence gave me the belief I needed to clear up. Sure enough, I didn't buckle.

The crowd rose to their feet with delight – Hannah gave me a hug, while Rob scooped up the money and treated us to a second pint.

My conquered rival skulked off, muttering something about “the table being too slow”.

Taking candy from a baby it was not. But taking £5 from a hustler was far more satisfying.

Masons Arms pool score: Andy 1-2 Rob

Pubquest pool score: Andy 42-30 Rob

Masons Arms pool score: Pubquest 1-0 Rest of World

Pubquest pool score: Pubquest 4-2 Rest of World

Pub: Masons Arms (2 Carson Road, S10 1UR)

Rating: 6/10

Pint: Hobgoblin Gold

Brewery: Wychwood Brewery (Witney, Oxfordshire)

NEXT UP: Blogging about a closed pub, at The Psalter...