Monday 22 August 2016

Pub 111, Day 42 – The Banner Cross

By Rob

Occasionally we all want to like something that we can’t, in fact, like.

Sometimes it’s clear why. For instance, I want to like going to the gym. This is, rather obviously, for all of the practical health benefits that regular gym attendance would bring. And yet I find, and have always found, exercising at the gym to be an unbelievably tedious affair: pounding away on the treadmill, going precisely nowhere, so that I’ll feel marginally less terrible about the lamb bhuna that I plan to order on the way home.

Of course, sometimes it’s less apparent why you want to like something, but still pretty obvious why you don’t. For example, I have always liked the idea of eating seafood, without being able to really articulate why. I have never, however, been confused as to why I don’t like it in practice, which is because it tastes precisely how the sea smells.

And then there are times when you have no idea why you want to like something, and also no clue as to why you can’t. For me, I would say The Banner Cross falls squarely into this category.

I think I wanted to like it because, from the outside, it looked like it was a good pub. Or perhaps I wanted to like it because of its location in trendy, well-to-do S11. Or maybe the reason I wanted to like it was that it’d recently undergone a big refurbishment and I’m the sort of bloke who hates to see hard work wasted.

Whatever the reason, I did want to like it.

I think I was unable to like it because, from the inside, it looked like it wasn’t a good pub. Now, I’m not sure why it didn’t appeal: there were craft beers on offer, the venue would host live music, and it placed great emphasis on showing sports. It was clean, devoid of drunken lunatics, and the odour in the toilets didn’t melt my contact lenses.

And yet, something about the stripped-back wooden decor, the uncomfortable wooden chairs, and the collection of stools dotted about the place held me back. Maybe it just seemed too much like a chain pub, or maybe it was the mismatch between the lovely Tudor exterior and bland interior (like The Howard). Or maybe, by pub 111, I was finally sick of the whole thing and wanted to put as much distance between me, Andy, and Sheffield’s pub scene as possible.

Pondering this question, we ordered a pint of Iron & Steel bitter, from Chantry Brewery. A not very bitter bitter, this bitter was better than the bitterer bitters which litter the bitter scene. A nice, quaffable pint.

Andy was somewhat less disappointed with the pub than I was, being less fixated on the aesthetic and more impressed, I should think, by the multiple sports on show. As such, his generous nature has saved the pub from receiving a dismal score.

Which is just as well, because I still don’t know why I disliked it so much.

Pub: Banner Cross (971 Ecclesall Rd, S11 8TN)
Rating: 6/10
Pint: Iron & Steel
Brewery: Chantry Brewery (Rotherham)
 

Sunday 21 August 2016

Pub 110, Day 42 – The Beer House

By Andy

The window tax imposed by King William III in 1696 famously caused his citizens to brick up their glazing, leading to a surge in cases of rickets.

Taxes on the width of buildings in Amsterdam in the 17th century led to the architectural style now synonymous with the city, as narrow but tall designs quickly became the norm. 

More recently, the ever-increasing UK business rates – which impose punitive charges on pubs with large premises – have also spawned an unintended by-product: the micropub.

As this was our second micropub in recent outings (after The Itchy Pig Ale House), it was time to address the issue...

Micropubs are fantastic – they invariably stock a broad range of beers from local breweries, and their smaller size (and often 'one-man band' nature) allows them to be personal affairs – cosy, friendly, and uniquely-themed.

The problem is, when we began Pubquest in 2012, pubs were closing at such an alarming rate that we calculated the entire venture wouldn't take long. Now, with micropubs springing up across the city, it feels like we'll never fully finish – but then again, that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Despite our fondness of micropubs, I didn't think The Beer House was the perfect example. Yes, the beers were varied and the owner was friendly, but it was a bit like having a drink in your living room: there was nothing to set it apart from the norm. When compared to The Itchy Pig Ale House – with its homemade furniture and pig-themed decor – the place was slightly basic.

When the Porter Brook (just 30 seconds down the road) also offers good beers and polite staff, you have to wonder whether Sheffield's first ever micropub was strictly necessary.

Picky I know, but just as the standard of Sheffield pubs has increased since 2012, so have our standards here at Pubquest.

Pub: The Beer House (623 Ecclesall Road, S11 8PT)
Rating: 7.5/10
Pint: Espresso
Brewery: Dark Star Brewing Company (Partridge Green, West Sussex)
 

Wednesday 17 August 2016

Pub 109, Day 41 – Sheaf House

By Andy

You often forget the low points in sport.

While promotions and cup wins are immortalised by merchandise and newspaper clippings, your team's worst moments are subconsciously suppressed.

Each summer, in order to justify the upcoming outlay for yet another season-ticket, all memory of defeat has long been erased, tactfully replaced by sentimental recollections of consolation goals and warm pies.

Unfortunately for me, Sheffield United's lowest point for 35 years coincided with Pubquest's tour of the pubs around Bramall Lane, so I have copious notes outlining my thoughts on the day the Blades slumped to 22nd in English football's third tier.


However, as you may have worked out, for this to be the low point, things were about to improve (and how), so we can all enjoy my contemporary notes with the knowledge that the players I ridiculed would (for the most part) go on to be heroes.

***

The last stop before the match was the Sheaf House, a large pub with an even larger car park.

With kick-off approaching, the pub was stupidly busy – just entering the premises was difficult, and navigating our way to the bar seemed an impossibility. But we didn't create Pubquest to stand around in car parks, so with numerous “excuse me mates” and the odd elbow, we battled our way to the front. To the numerous patrons whose pints we spilled along the way: I apologise.

With our view of the bar constrained by the mass of bodies, we selected Kronenbourg. (Pubquest Superfans may recall that we drank a Kronenbourg variant in the Nottingham House, but the internet assures me they are slightly different beers.)

The pub had three distinct sections: the bar room, which featured a projector showing Sky Sports News; a games room, with a pool table and a fantastic tiled floor; and a raised area, which contained I have absolutely no idea because there were about 10,000 people between me and the steps.

Personally I prefer to drink further afield on matchdays, not least to avoid the chaos that is pre-match urinating. Typically, this consists of a three-deep horizontal queue for the urinal, and after a quick jostle for position, you are greeted by splashback from all sides. (Other options include a lengthy wait for the token cubicle, or the 'queue-jump' alternative of pissing in the sink.)

By the time I returned from the toilets, the crush in the pub had thankfully eased, as early birds had left for the match. Suddenly, everyone vanished, leaving behind a mountain of empty glasses. Panicking slightly (presumably the regulars know how long the walk takes), we downed our drinks and hurried to the stadium.

Despite a stuttering start to the season for Sheffield United, I was cautiously optimistic – after all, Southend were hardly footballing superpowers. Indeed, they hadn't won a game since beating Sheffield United five months ago. Presumably our players would be busting a gut to prevent a repeat occurrence.

After making a few notes about the pubs, I decided to jot down a brief summary of the match, in case I wanted to reference it in the blog. What follows is a faithful transcription of my irate scribblings:
Jack O'Connell after
slicing one into his own net

  • 5 mins: Losing 1-0, own goal by new signing Jack O'Connell. He looks SHITE. We have enough shite defenders already, why have we signed another
  • 13 mins: Losing 2-0, George Long error. The man is completely useless, not sure why we persist with him
  • 15 mins: Losing 3-0, Jack O'Connell fucked up AGAIN. This must be a new record for ineptitude
  • 75 mins: No signs of a comeback. Leon Clarke never scores and has no redeeming qualities

All in all, a good day's drinking spoiled by the football. As usual.

Postscript:
  • Sheffield United won their next 7 home games in a row, and stormed to the league title with a club-record 100 points
  • Jack O'Connell became a cult hero, inspiring thousands of United fans to dress up as a wizard during the promotion party in Milton Keynes (it's a long story)
  • George Long never played another game for Sheffield United, and was quickly offloaded to a different team
  • Jack O'Connell heads a (polystyrene) brick
    during the end-of-season celebrations
    On 04 November 2017, Leon Clarke became the first Sheffield United player to score 4 goals in
    1 game since 1983

Pub: Sheaf House
(329 Bramall Lane, S2 4RH)
Rating: 4.5/10

Tuesday 16 August 2016

Pub 108, Day 41 – Cricketers' Arms

By Andy

Leaving the Sentinel, we followed the crowd towards the bright lights of Bramall Lane. We had already attempted to complete the pubs around the ground once before, but on that occasion we had visited on a non-matchday, so a couple of the lesser venues were closed (why bother opening for two customers on Thursday when you're guaranteed 500 on Saturday?)

After pussyfooting about at the Sentinel (a full 400 yards away from the stadium), our next stop was the Cricketers (approximately 5 yards away). Along the way though, we encountered a familiar problem: food. Having not eaten at the Sentinel because it was too busy, we were heading to venues where the 'menu' is a choice between salt & vinegar or cheese & onion.

Blissfully, we encountered Kosta's, a Greek takeaway on the corner of Shoreham Street. They even boasted a range of 'football wraps', packed with meat, salad and chips (apparently it's a Greek delicacy). Always keen to sample new cuisines (keener still to stuff our faces with greasy food), we promptly ordered two Chicken Souvlaki wraps.

As they were being made, it came to my attention that in a small glass frame behind the counter, taking pride-of-place, was the unmistakeable work of my dad.

A bit of background information: my dad is a journalist.

Somewhere along the way though, his career path went awry, and instead of becoming the BBC's Middle Eastern correspondent, he found himself performing the equally important journalistic duty of writing takeaway reviews for a local newspaper.

I knew I had to act quickly. It was time to dust off a classic trick I had first learnt at school: make friends with the people who serve you food.

My dad wrote that,” I announced, unprompted. I might even have shown him my ID to flaunt the matching surnames.

Giorgos! Get down here!” shouted my server through a back door I hadn't even noticed.

After a quick conversation in Greek, the staff members rushed over.

Tell your dad he is a hero! Before this article, no one in Sheffield knew of Kosta's, after this I had to hire more staff!” said the first, clasping my hand with excitement.

If your dad comes down here he has free food, any day, any time,” announced the other. “Free food for life!”

The contrast between my dad's iconic status in Kosta's and our own abysmal attempt to boost publicity for the Sentinel was not lost on me.

Our connections meant not only did we receive the food for free, but we had to decline goody bags (“give these to your dad”), as I was unsure how the patrons of the local pubs would greet two newcomers carrying hummus and tzatziki.

With fond farewells, we set off to the Cricketers' Arms, munching our wraps along the way (they were fantastic). The Cricketers is a small pub (particularly so on matchdays), directly opposite the football ground. Predictably, the insides were covered in United paraphernalia, documenting the club's history. The drinks on offer were consistent with a landlord who knows that people will drink at the venue regardless.

We went for Stones Cold, which at least is cheaper than its competitors. The pub was exactly what I was expecting: fine if you want a quick pint before the game, pointless to visit for any other reason.

I try to say something nice about every pub we attend, so here's my compliment for the Cricketers' Arms: it pleases me that they haven't changed the pub's name (cricket was last held at Bramall Lane in 1975). In that sense the pub is a relic of Bramall Lane's past, and its name has no doubt confused a few away fans over the years.

Not that I'd recommend away fans drink in the Cricketers...

Pub: Cricketers' Arms (106 Bramall Lane, S2 4RD)
Rating: 4/10
Brewery: Molson Coors Brewing Company (Tadcaster, North Yorkshire)

NEXT UP: Visionary thinking, at Sheaf House...

Monday 15 August 2016

Pub 107, Day 41 – Sentinel Brewhouse

By Andy

We find ourselves in a really difficult situation financially, a situation that none of us in this business ever thought we'd be in.”

Panic not, Pubquest readers, for the above quote does not refer to ourselves. (Actually, this website's advertising revenue and our upcoming book deal has allowed us to retire comfortably to the South of France – we don't actually visit the pubs anymore, we just imagine visiting them from the deck of our yacht.)

In fact, the quote is taken from a heartfelt video that Sentinel Brewhouse founder Alex Barlow posted on Facebook in June 2017, in a bid to deny some of the rumours swirling around the local papers.

For stunts like this (and for allegedly failing to pay their creditors in full), Sentinel Brewhouse gets a lot of bad press.

Well allow me to be the first to defend the place: I love it.

For starters, a lot of their financial difficulties came about because their first ever batch of bottled beer was stolen. This is hardly Sentinel's fault – the blame lies with the lowlifes who spared no thought for a local entrepreneur. If you're gonna be degenerate thieves, go steal from Tesco instead. (Note: I am not actually advocating stealing from Tesco.)

Brewery (foreground) and bar (background)
Secondly, the Sentinel is fantastic! The building was formerly a carpet warehouse, before being converted into an all-in-one bar and brewery last year. The journey from tank to glass is approximately five yards, giving their beers a freshness nowhere else can match. But they don't just serve their own stuff – they're wise enough to complement their output with the best beers from elsewhere, making each trip to the bar a difficult decision.

On Sheffield United matchdays, they've been known to set-up a deli stall outside, selling high-quality scotch eggs and sausage rolls – far superior to the sludge on offer inside the stadium.

Also keep an eye out for their guided brewery tours, where they ply you with free drinks which far exceed the cost of the ticket (we can personally vouch for this).

And last but not least, the Sentinel was the first pub to recognise our undeniable celebrity status.

Upon completion of their latest lager, the brewery invited influential locals for a free pint, in order to drum up publicity. Top of their list (no doubt) was yours truly: Sheffield Pubquest. Our resulting tweet garnered a monumental 8 retweets and 11 likes, thereby completely justifying their decision to include us. (Sidenote: perhaps giving away free pints to absolute nobodies in the vague hope of publicity is somehow related to their financial difficulties...)

Our free beer was genuinely excellent – the best English lager I've tasted. When it came to round two we paid our way, sampling their American Red (Rob is obsessed with red ales.)

While rating American Red in 175 bespoke categories for his Top 1000 Red Ales of All-Time spreadsheet, Rob made an excellent point: only in Sheffield would a carpet warehouse become a pub – in most cities it's the other way round.

In other words:

The whole vision behind Sentinel was to create a brewery with a bar and restaurant wrapped around it, there's nowhere else like this. With your support, we've got a positive future – we hope to be seeing you soon.” 
Alex Barlow, Sentinel Brewhouse founder (Facebook video, June 2017)

Pub: Sentinel Brewhouse (178 Shoreham Street, S1 4SQ)
Rating: 9.5/10


Wednesday 10 August 2016

Pub 106, Day 40 – The Itchy Pig Ale House

By Rob

Imagine the excitement when we first heard that a new micropub was opening in Broomhill, right at the bottom of my street.

But first, a crucial question: does a micropub count as a pub?

We decided that it does, for the same reason that microfibres are still fibres, and a microbiologist is still a biologist (albeit one who is very small studies microscopic organisms).

With the passage of time and a little patience, we soon found ourselves sitting in what had become, without a doubt, my closest boozer.

From outside it looked more like a butcher's than a pub, with its shopfront aesthetic and porcine branding. Inside, it was a small-yet-stylish affair with wooden flooring, and a counter decorated in a million different 2p coins. The lighting, I was later told, is that found in pig pens throughout the country, and in place of standard furniture you can enjoy resting your pint on an old Singer sewing table.

The best thing about the Pig, however, is not the decor. Speaking from regular experience, I can safely say that the selection of beers has no rival in Broomhill David beats Goliath in the battle for providing the best booze. The Pig regularly switches up the drinks on offer and, via the blackboard, keeps its punters updated on what’s coming down the pipeline. Not only this, but it’s one of the few venues in the area to have an ever-changing series of both keg and cask beers, helping to keep the selection diverse and interesting.

No wonder it enjoys such a successful showing at the CAMRA awards, despite only recently arriving on the scene.

Andy and I each ordered a pint of Red Star IPA, from Tollgate – a nice light beer, with citrussy and floral notes.

As we sat down, we found ourselves pleasantly surprised by the Pig. Its small size and lack of music didn’t prevent it from cultivating a warm, friendly, public house atmosphere. In fact, the small size seemed to encourage conversation between people on either side of the bar, and between the customers themselves.

Without a doubt, this micropub was clearly a pub.

As I’ve desperately tried to explain to women for almost ten years now: it’s not size that matters.

Pub: The Itchy Pig Ale House (495 Glossop Rd, S10 2QE)
Rating: 8.5/10

Tuesday 9 August 2016

Pub 105, Day 40 – The Head of Steam

By Andy

When Pubquest first began – before we had any idea what a ridiculous impact it would have on our lives – there was only one ambition: to drink a pint in every pub in Sheffield.

However, like all men are prone to do when down the pub with their mates, we quickly got carried away.

Every pub in Sheffield would be too easy, we decided. It's barely even a challenge. Heck, we'd probably be done within a year!

So as that first evening wore on, we set ourselves additional targets. First up: to drink a different pint in each pub. With hindsight, this turned out to be a masterstroke, and has seen us sample everything from liquorice beer to ridiculous floral concoctions.

But still it wasn't enough.

When biographers write our story and directors shoot our movie, what tangible moments would we be able to point to?

Well I'd like to win a pub quiz, at some point,” announced Rob. “Seeing as we'll be going to 500 pubs.”

Good idea... I'd like to be recognised,” I declared, daydreaming. “Just once, I'd like to be at a new pub, and have the landlord ask if we're the guys from Pubquest.”

Presumably, this sick fantasy would conclude with him giving us free drinks, along with a guided tour of his establishment.

And so it was that these two loftier targets were added to our plan. As the years passed, and merely visiting the pubs seemed an impossible dream, we dared not mention these additional ambitions.

After all, we had already proved ourselves utterly incapable of achieving the first, with several dismal pub quiz attempts.

But one day, the unthinkable happened: a pub tweeted us.



This was our moment – after years of toiling away for no reward, we had our very own superfan: the Head of Steam landlord! Had he been studying our photos, eagerly awaiting the moment we strolled through the door? Had he only become a landlord so he could feature on Pubquest, his all-time favourite blog? Was the beer emoji in his tweet an implicit promise of a free drink?

Pencilling in our visit for as soon as possible, we debated leaving our wallets at home – after all, this one would be all expenses paid. However, not wanting to seem too Big Time Charlie, we decided to take them along.

***

We swung open the doors with vigour, and they slammed slightly behind us. Never mind, our visit was hardly going to fly under the radar.

Purposefully striding to the bar, we caught the eye of the nearest barman.

Hiya fellas,” he exclaimed, smiling.

Hello,” we retorted, a large grin plastered on our faces.

A long pause. Our smile remained, but the barman's began to flicker.

What can I get you?” he requested.

Well you know how it is,” we replied. “Something we've not had before.”

A longer pause.

Right,” came the response. Another pause. “Anything in particular?”

Rob caught my eye. Had staff members not been prepped for our visit?

There was only one thing for it: it was time to namedrop.

Well here at Pubquest, we drink a different beer at each pub.”

Right,” began the barman once more, his expression revealing that he understood none of my sentence. “So lager or...”

Two pints of Olympian,” Rob interjected, pointing to the nearest pump clip.

While the barman poured our beers, we glanced around – there was no 'Welcome' banner, there was no reserved table, and there wasn't even a buffet to greet our arrival.

It soon transpired there was to be no discount on our drinks either.

Realising they had probably outsourced their social media to a teenager who was paid per tweet, we hurriedly headed to the beer garden, too ashamed to remain indoors.

Despite our humiliation, we agreed that we rather liked The Head of Steam – the inside was spacious and modern, and the tables outside were located slap-bang in Tudor Square. The drink selection too was impressive, with ale aficionados and spirit-lovers equally well-catered for.

Still, we didn't stick around.

Legends in our own lunchtime once more, we promptly made tracks for The Itchy Pig Ale House, where we were guaranteed a warm welcome – because Rob already knew the landlord.

Pub: The Head of Steam (103-107 Norfolk Street, S1 2JE)
Rating: 8.5/10
Pint: Olympian
Brewery: Rudgate Brewery (Tockwith, North Yorkshire)

NEXT UP: Our first micropub, at The Itchy Pig Ale House...